Bonus Translation Exercise 4
The only way to find rainbows
is to look within your heart;
the only way to live fairy tales
is through the imagination and
power of your mind;
search for peace
is within your very soul;
because rainbows,
fairy tales and peace
are treasures that grow
from the inside out.
posted by wonderwan @ 10:30 PM
16 Comments:
To Rachel:
1. Try to figure out what the poem exactly wants to tell (imply). Then you "inject" it into your translation.
2. When translating a poem, you should usually note the rhyme in your translaiton, too.
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F4A 1092301010 Jamie Lee
唯有探索你的內心，
才能找到彩虹；
唯有穿越想像力、跳脫思想束縛，
才能住進童話故事裡；
唯有在你真正的心靈世界才能尋找和平，
因為彩虹、童話故事及和平都是在內心裡孕育而生的寶藏。
To Ellen Lin:
1. Evidently, you have apprehended the hidden meaning of the very poem. (Applause!)
2. However, I don't think your last sentence really reflects the essence of the original(ST).
"因為彩虹、童話與和平是心中的寶藏。"
To Alice:
1. Pretty good translation!
2. But, I don't think "，永植於心..." is a good rendering. (They should come from the deep of your heart, rather than be planted in your heart.)
3. Do you agree?
4. The essence of the very poem is to tell us that "happiness is in your heart, not from outer world."
To Jamie:
Please do not translate "peace" into 和平 in this context. Try to find another appropriate word for it.
To Andrea,
1. Nice translation
2. But, I don't think "唯相信最真的真心才能享有恬靜平安" is good enough.
3. "search for peace is within your very soul" means "真正的平靜與安詳是要從你心深處去求得，並非僅靠外在環境。也就是，世間再嘈雜，只要心能靜，那麼一切也都是安詳愉悅的。
To Faye:
1. Often, we don't use punctuation when translating this kind of poem into Chinese.
2. "因為這些燦爛 美好 寧靜，
都是人們靈魂中的無價之寶。" can be modified into "......都是人們心靈中昇華出的瑰寶。"
To Jamie,
1. I don't think "才能住進童話故事裡" is a good translation.
2. You should have checked against the context, and found out a proper meaning for the verb -- live.
3. should be "經歷；體會"
4. "peace" should have been translated into 平靜；安詳, not 和平. (check against the context and try to apprehend the hidden meaning (semantic meaning) of the sentence or even the whole poem.
To Susan,
1. Good format and rhyme. (Applause!)
2. However, I don't think the following rendering is correct enough to mirror the intent of the author. (principle one: faithfulness)
"看清你的內心
就是
那通往彩虹的艷麗大道"
"運用你的思考與想像力
這是
那活在童話的美麗世界"
"隱藏在你靈魂深處的
是那
對平靜的靈性渴求"
3. In your case, do not use any punctuation.
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S4B 1092303093 Alice Lin
彩虹，唯有用真心、誠意才能體會到；
夢想，唯有用想像及意念才能經歷到；
寧靜，唯有全神貫注才能感受到；
這些都只因為，
彩虹、夢想、寧靜，
是由內心發芽出來的無價之寶。
To Jessica:
1. Do you really think "唯透過無窮的想像力才可擁有童話般生活" is appropriate ?
2. For translating this kind of "metaphor," we should translate in "communicative method" rather than your "semantic" or even "literal" methods.
3. "Search for peace is within your very soul" had better not be translated as "唯用真實的靈魂
才探求的到深層的寧靜."
"只有在你的靈魂深處，才能尋得真正的平靜" should comply with the intent of the ST author more.
To Judy:
1. I don't think 正視 is a good translation.
2. The format of your translation seems not to accord with that of the ST (source text).
3. "美麗的幻想世界" seems not good.
4. The author meant to tell the readers:
人或苦或樂，主決於你方寸之間，端看你如何去想。
Below is a reference translation for you:
尋找繽紛彩虹的唯一方法
是到心靈裡探索
體驗美麗神話的唯一途徑
是發揮方寸的想像
拾回安祥平靜
必須要搜尋靈魂的深處
因為
這些彩虹、神話與平靜
都是要從心深處才能滋生出的瑰寶
This bonus translation exercise is closed.
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